


But I Can't Make You Mine, It Is True

by bertie456 (bertee)



Series: Bones: You're Lovely to Me [6]
Category: Bones (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-09-01
Updated: 2008-09-01
Packaged: 2017-10-27 20:13:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/299615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bertee/pseuds/bertie456





	But I Can't Make You Mine, It Is True

I don't remember the last time I told someone I was in love with them. In fact, I don't think I ever have.

A few men have said it to me over the years though. The first was a guy from my biology class in college whom I'd been dating for a little over a month. I later found out that confessing his undying love was part of his standard seduction technique to get girls into bed with him, but unfortunately it had the opposite effect on me, since I was slightly disturbed by such a serious declaration so early on in our relationship and promptly broke up with him.

The second occasion ended with much the same result. This time I'd been dating the man for six months, and it was when we were in bed, after having an anniversary dinner, that he decided to announce that he loved me. Unfortunately, his mid-coitus proclamation was not reciprocated and after finishing the most awkward and perfunctory sex I've ever encountered, we too broke up.

The third and final time I've ever heard those three little words was with one of my most serious partners. We'd been seeing each other for approximately eighteen months, and he told me he loved me during a romantic dinner that he'd cooked himself. I again didn't return the sentiment, telling him that I didn't feel it yet, but our relationship managed to hold out for another month until he couldn't wait any longer for me to "feel it" and we went our separate ways.

But I think I'm finally ready. It's been building for years now, all my feelings falling slowly into place and all my knowledge and emotions combining to form one definite conclusion - I am in love with Seeley Booth.

We've both felt the shift in our relationship recently, but we've so far dodged the topic of our true feelings towards each other, instead choosing to skirt the issue and to cover it with jokes and teasing when things have gotten a little more intimate than usual.

However, I am not, by nature, a woman who avoids speaking her mind, and I refuse to let this charade go on any longer. I've been patient, I've waited for him to say something to me, since he's always been the more emotionally astute of the two of us, but he's not said a word. So, like so many other things between us, the onus is on me to get it out into the open and hopefully move on from there. At the very least we can resolve some of the tension between us at the lab.

Coming to the same conclusion that I've been reaching all night, I check myself over in the mirror one final time. My heeled boots are comfortable yet sleek, and my usual outfit of well-fitting jeans, a white shirt and a figure-hugging black jacket mean that I look suitably professional as well as ensuring that I can carry out the more practical, human-remains-oriented aspects of my job.

Sighing, I run my fingers through my hair, watching in the mirror as the dark locks fall around my shoulders. Normally, I'd tie it up, since loose hair and close inspection of decaying remains is not the most pleasant of combinations, but I want it down when I see him. According to Angela, I look good with my hair down as it makes my face appear softer. I'm not entirely sure if that's a positive thing, since I'm not really a woman who excels in being "soft", but I trust her opinions, especially when it comes to impressing men.

Oh, that sounds horrible. "Impressing men." Since when have I been someone concerned with impressing men? I'm independent, I've got a successful career and I've certainly never needed validation from the opposite sex to feel satisfied.

But Booth isn't the opposite sex. Well, obviously he is in the technical sense, but he's not representative of the male population as a whole. I've had my fair share of partners over the years, some more serious than others, and I never felt anything close to what I feel for Booth when I was with them. Yes, they were handsome, good in bed and everything else one would traditionally look for in a partner, but there was still something missing, something I didn't even know was missing until I met him.

Physically, he's impressive. As much as I enjoy my work, sometimes inspecting him in the lab is far more enjoyable than inspecting a dead body. He usually wears his suit to work, but I much prefer him in jeans and a t-shirt. He always wears his jeans low on his hips, revealing the defined dips below his pelvic bones when he raises his arms, and I can't help but think of gently tracing those contours with my fingernails. His tees are good at revealing contours too, showing off the smooth ridges of his upper arms and fitting tightly around his abdomen, allowing me to watch his muscles flex as he moves.

In addition to his physique, there's something about his masculinity that I find inexplicably attractive. I don't want children, but there's some part of me that instinctively responds to his virile, confident nature. His physical strength combined with his protective and dominant nature all add to his air of alpha male superiority, and as much as I dislike being relegated to beta female, that cocky charm somehow manages to turn me on.

It never used to. When we first started working together, his overbearing and arrogant behavior was suffocating, and everything we ever said to each other seemed to be an insult or a sarcastic snipe. I'm not sure where it changed, or even if it did change, but now when we argue, it seems more intimate, more arousing. Afterwards, I can't stop myself from picturing ways the argument could've ended, either with him pushing me against a wall and letting his mouth work the annoyance out of me, or me pushing him down on the carpet and erasing all the kinds of frustration between us.

However, there's more than just sexual chemistry involved. It's only recently that I've realised it's the emotional attraction between us that separates this from any other relationship I've had, and it's this realisation which has finally motivated me to say something to him.

Booth's one of the best men I know. He's a loving father, a dedicated agent and a loyal friend, but it feels like he's been so much more to me than that. He's always been there for me. Always. From the big events, like an attempt on my life, to simple occasions, such as offering advice or encouragement, he's been there, with his ridiculous ties, flamboyant socks and comforting smile. I don't trust people easily, and haven't for a long time, but I can say with confidence that I trust him with my life. It's just saying those three other words that worries me.

Mulling this over, I lock my door and head down to my car, running possible scenarios through my head the whole way to work. I know what I'm going to do when I get there; I need to ask him to come to my office, sit down with him casually and then bring up the subject of how I feel. However, I'm not sure exactly what words I'm going to use, since I don't want to overwhelm him if he's not expecting this conversation but at the same time I don't want there to be any room for doubt regarding my sincerity and intentions. Hopefully once we're alone together, I'll be able to find the right words and get all this frustration and tension out of my system.

Admittedly, I'm not sure how he's going to react either. In my opinion, the best outcome would be for him to say it back to me before pulling me into a kiss. But this is real life, not a romance novel, and on some level, I'm prepared for the possibility of rejection, finding out that all this is just mixed signals, and that he would act this way towards any woman that he was with in this situation.

Either of these results would be acceptable, meaning we could move forward as a couple, or just carry on as we are, without there being too much of an effect on our current status. What I'm most worried about, though, is _her_.

From the moment we met, we disliked each other, and I'm fairly sure that her past with Booth is one of the main reasons why I don't get on well with her. True, we've both had times where Booth was ours and ours alone, either working with him previously or being partnered with him for the last year, but there's so much I don't know about their time together. I'm fairly certain that, even if they were sleeping together in the past, they're not anymore, but I can't be one hundred percent sure of that.

I'd say that I'm pretty good at reading him now, but I still can't work out exactly what's going on between them. Sometimes they seem to be completely professional, discussing the case in the lab in the same way they would talk to Zach, Hodgins or Angela. But sometimes I catch sight of small gestures, like the touching of hands or the way Booth moves in close to whisper in her ear, which makes me wonder if they're involved in something more personal than case-work.

But that doesn't matter now. Parking my car in my conveniently-located space, I walk quickly into the lab, trying to stop my pulse from racing. There's no use speculating and postulating further or what may or may not exist between them. I'm going to tell him how I feel, and if he turns round and tells me he's in love with her then I'll just have to deal with that. Yes, it'll hurt, but it's not like I haven't dealt with pain before. This conversation's been coming for years and I'm not letting myself back away from it just because of a suspicion.

The glass doors slide open and I can feel my heart pounding in my chest as I look round, hoping fervently that he's there so I can get it over and done with. It's with relief that I see him almost immediately, loitering on the stairs to the platform as he flips his poker chip in his hand like a large, garish-colored coin. My relief is only increased when I see that she's not around yet, giving me a chance to speak to Booth without interruptions.

Taking a deep breath, I approach, moving to stand at the bottom of the stairs and looking up at him with what I hope is a confident smile.

His poker chip lands securely in his hand as he smiles back at me and speaks, his tone relaxed and cheerful, "Morning."

Not wishing to waste any more time, I get straight to the point, trying to keep my voice casual, "Can I speak to you in my office for a few minutes?"

I watch as his brow wrinkles momentarily in a puzzled frown, before he raises his eyebrows again with a shrug. "Sure." He walks down the short flight of stairs, asking with interest, "So, what's this ab-"

The doors slide open again before he can finish his sentence and he is instantly distracted, barely aware of the grin spreading across his own face as she walks into the lab and moves straight towards the platform. I hardly notice her as she comes, being unable to take my eyes off Booth.

His face practically lights up as he sees her, a mischievous twinkle appearing in his eyes and a contented smile playing on his lips. I stand silent as he greets her in the same way he addressed me moments earlier, except this time I can hear the enthusiasm and the sincerity in his words. She returns it with a smile and a nod before joining the rest of the team on the platform, leaving me standing mutely on the ground.

That one moment said more to me than an entire conversation with Booth ever could. My heart sinks as I watch him follow her with his gaze, still smiling to himself at the sight of her. I feel a lump begin to rise in my throat and I swallow it, suppressing the tears that are threatening to fall. It becomes painfully clear that I was fooling myself, that even if they're not together now, they will be soon, and that any declarations of love today should not be between me and Booth.

Still trying to maintain my composure, I can only shake my head when the agent turns back to me, inquiring curiously, "So, what did you want to talk to me about?"

Forcing a smile, I manage to choke out, "Nothing. It doesn't matter." He eyes me with concern which only serves to make my chest ache more. Waving it away, I say firmly, "I've got remains to examine; I'll see you later?"

I don't wait for a reply as I walk off, leaving him standing behind me, perplexed. Walking slowly through the lab, I hear his footsteps on the metal steps as he jogs back up to the platform and to her. Telling myself that it's all for the best, I push back the tears once more but feel my heart thud painfully as I hear him call out to her,

"What have you got for me, Bones?"

Letting go of all my carefully planned possibilities and scenarios, I enter the pathology lab, knowing that she's not the only one who's got something for him, but that hers is all he'll ever want.


End file.
